There Is No Need to Define Yourself

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” —Henry Ford

Defining yourself is: “the understanding or determination of one’s own nature or basic qualities.” (1) “We call attitudes that help people define who they are self-defining.”(2) Research tells us: “self-defining attitudes that are positive lead to more successful outcomes” (2). Could negative self-defining attitudes tend to lead us toward less successful outcomes? It seems obvious that some individuals will define themselves in positive ways while others will not. Let’s look at the pros and cons of self-defining attitudes.

The Pros

Three components set the stage for our ability to accurately define an object (3). Firstly, there is a cognitive component that refers to a person’s knowledge or belief. For example: “I am a kind person.” Secondly, there is an affective component that refers to an emotional response. For example: “As a kind person I feel empathy for someone else who is in trouble.” Lastly, there is conative component that refers to how action is taken. For example, “I will do whatever I can to help this person in need.” My thoughts, feelings and actions will reinforce my self-worth based on a self-defined attitude of being kind.

These self-defining attitudes are positive and have a high probability of culminating in some form of success for the person I am helping and my self-esteem, since I am being true to my values and beliefs. I am kind, I have empathy, and I help others is consistent with my self-defining attitude. “Research has found that most self-defining attitudes are positive and will lead to successful outcomes” (2). But what would a negative self-defining attitude look like?

The Cons

Let’s hypothetically say: “I believe I am not very smart.” My confidence and self-esteem are already down a notch. I am defining myself as less intelligent than others. How does this affect my feelings? I may feel some shame about not being as intelligent as other people I know. I might feel some guilt for not doing better at school. I could even feel “less than” because other people probably know I am less intelligent. My actions are also affected. I withdraw from anything too challenging mentally. I may even become isolated at times to protect from any outside judgement. My feelings and actions only serve to reinforce my lack of self-worth based on a self-defined attitude of being less intelligent.

I arrive at the realization that my negative self-defining attitude, that I am less intelligent than others, is affecting my whole life. How does one get out of this negative vortex, which is largely self-inflicted?

You Cannot Be Defined

As humans we all have strengths and weaknesses. When we define ourselves by either our strengths or our weaknesses, we do ourselves an injustice. Can’t we change our weaknesses into strengths? And, do our strengths sometimes also disappear without notice? Ultimately, we cannot be defined. Human behaviour has been described as consistently inconsistent (4).

Focusing on our strengths does work better than focusing on our weaknesses but do either of these characteristics really define who we are? We will have our good days and will have our bad. We succeed sometimes and sometimes we don’t.

There is no need to define yourself. A self-defining attitude regardless of the positive or negative direction you take only limits your potential as a person. In addition, this attitude is potentially either ego driven or very judgmental.

What’s Better?

What might be better than a self-defining attitude is just a more positive attitude. Try to focus on how you can look at your life with more optimism. Things are bad right now but they are also temporary. Good experiences can be internalized. Bad experiences can be externalized. Martin Seligman’s Learned Optimism outlines strategies to become more optimistic. According to Seligman, our pessimistic self-talk can be altered through optimistic learning strategies, which promote a more positive attitude toward self (5). We can condition the positives in our life back into our consciousness through having a more optimistic perspective.

Advertising will tell you that you need this or you need that, which sends the message that you are not enough. But you are enough, even without that cosmetic surgery or that sports car. Those externalities are driven by your ego.

Maybe the more successful outcomes that have been credited to people who self-define themselves in a more positive light are just more successful because they are more positive. Henry Ford was right, what you decide you can or cannot do will determine the outcome. When I think I can, then I can. When I think I cannot, then I cannot. But neither outcome will ever be sufficient to define you.