25 Quick Ways to Connect With Teens

Parental connection with teens matters.

In a cohort study of more than 15,000 teenagers, Ford, Pool, Kahn, and Halpern (2023) found that adolescents who reported warm, loving, close, caring relationships with their parents; spending more time with their parents; and high levels of satisfaction with their relationship and communication with parents reported having higher levels of general health, feelings of optimism, and quality of romantic relationships in young adulthood; they also reported lower levels of depressive symptoms, stress, nicotine dependence, and symptoms of substance abuse. Overall, positive parental relationships with teens contributed to a range of positive outcomes into adulthood.

Research by Bulow, Neubauer, and Soenens (2022) suggests that parental warmth, along with support for youth’s autonomy, promotes well-being in 91-98% of families.

Other research by Fang, Fosco, Redmond, and Feinberg (2022) suggests that if you can stay warm, positive, and close with your children during their teen years, you’ll be significantly more likely to have warm, positive, and close relationships with them when they are young adults.

John Gottman of The Gottman Institute asserts that one of the ways parents can build warm, positive relationships with teens is through “small things often,” or connecting over small, consistent everyday moments (rather than big family vacations or other “grand gestures”) (Panganiban, n.d.).

Here are 25 ways to warmly connect with teens through “small things often”:

Send a positive text message – “I’m looking forward to XYZ with you.”
Go on a breakfast or lunch or dinner date – “Want to grab dinner Friday, just the two of us?”
Point out something they’re doing well around the house – “Thanks for keeping your room clean lately!”
Notice and comment on a positive grade – “Whoah, I know how hard math’s been this year. Way to go getting everything turned in!”
Arrange to take them and a friend somewhere (bowling, batting cages, golf, go-carts) – “I can drive you and Joe to the batting cages this weekend if you want.”
Take them to a sporting event – “Want to catch the basketball game together this Sunday?”
Take them to a concert – “That band you like is going to be in town in March – you in? I can get us tickets.”
Make them breakfast in bed – “I know you’re tired lately, so I made your favorite pancakes this morning.”
Comment on one way they were kind to a sibling – “Thanks for helping your brother with fractions. I really appreciate it.”
Take them out for coffee or tea and a pastry – “Have time to get coffee with me today? I want to hear about how your tournament went.”
Give them a hug.
Show them an old photo that you love of them and say why – “Remember this? You used to organize baseball games with all the neighbor kids at this park. They loved it when you showed up!”
Tell them a fun/sweet story about when they were little – “You loved pushing your sister in the swing when you were little. You’d insist on pushing her stroller too!”
Watch a funny movie or TV series together – “Want to watch this with me? It’s supposed to be funny.”
Make their favorite dinner – “I’d like to make your favorite dinner tomorrow, would that be lemon chicken, beef stew, or something else?”
Ask them what top 3 songs they’d like to hear and play them (at home or in the car) – “I know I’ve been playing a lot of my music, what 3 songs do you want to hear, if you had to pick?”
Ask them if there’s anything they need from the store (e.g. Target, Walmart) before you go.
Notice one way they are being a good friend and point that out to them – “You’re going to watch your friend’s hockey game? That’s really cool of you.”
Ask them if there’s one place they’d like to go in their town on a free day and take them there – “I’d love to explore this town with you, is there anywhere near our town that you’ve wanted to try but haven’t gotten a chance to yet?”
Ask them their favorite and least favorite day of the year, and share your own – “Looking back on this year, is there any day that stands out, good or bad?”
Buy them flowers for no reason.
Go on a walk or bike ride together.
Ask if you can watch them [play a video game, do a sports practice, do a skateboard trick, etc].
Thank them for something – “Thanks for taking the dog for a walk this morning, I know you were tired,” or “Thanks for being home for curfew last night. I know you were having fun with your friends.”
Notice something / “I see you” – “I see you were up late studying, hope you’re doing okay today!” or “I see you showing up to work on time for every shift, ready to go, I’m sure your boss loves that.”